Dibs in search of self

Need paper rewritten….. Need: to give more background information and use transitions between your hook, background info and thesis.
You need to be explicit about your position. This requires going beyond just description. Need a thesis at the end of the intro. Topic Sentence: You almost have a complete topic sentence. Remember they require both opinion (your main point) and the subtopic to your thesis. Analysis: Try to go deeper into your analysis: what does this mean, why does it matter, and who should care? Instead, you have more retelling of the story in place of original thought. Grammar, Punctuation, Sentence Structure, Spelling, and Proofreading.