Revised the essay #10
Read the response form and fix the error or add anything to improve the essay
you can add anything to the essay to make it look better
try to connect all the paragraph instead of all divided
note from m professor :
I would just keep in mind the survivor aspect of your topic and really focus on what makes someone with this disease a survivor, talks about the mindset, the mental toll, what could break them. I think that going into the mental aspect would be very interesting because while many people won’t know the science behind this particular type of cancer (and don’t get me wrong it is important to include that information) I think that most people still would get confused while reading that bit and kinda rush through reading it. however, focusing on the mental aspect could catch more attention to the topic and make it easier to understand and relate to. Also, many people probably know someone with cancer, however, they most likely do not know the mental state of a patient so it could help to add some sympathy to the topics.