Psychology PhD Admission Essay

1. The gear needs to shift a bit in terms of the direction. I need to incorporate the inspiration for my persuing this doctoral program. I can attach the program specifications, and the essay prompt- I feel like I missed the mark with the flow/ adequacy of providing the specifics they seek in the prompt.
2. Wording seems off/ ineffective in the red highlight/asteric portions- this essay should be eloquent and CLEAR, practical yet complex (as it is a doctoral program with a foundation in neuroscience at a prestigious university)

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