Globalisation and hybridisation
You’re getting closer now, but there are still a number of areas to work on.
I’ve had a look and identified the following issues:
- Your referencing is done partly in the APA style  and partly in the Harvard style (Robertson, 2000). You need to change all the referencing to the Harvard style.
- You do not have enough references in the discourse section. e.g. whenever you say: Some scholars agree that…., you need to add the source/s at the end of the sentence.
- You need to discuss the ideas about globalisation and hybridisation (arguments to do with homogenisation and heterogenisation) in more detail.
- It seems that a lot of the work is not written in your own words…Can you clarify: have you lifted information without paraphrasing/quoting, or have you translated it with a translation tool?
- It’s fine to have a section at the end of the discourse section that focuses on film, but, again, you need to reference academic sources and you have confused homogeneity with “intertextuality” (“intertextuality is a feature of Postmodernism and is not seen by Postmodernists as an example of homogeneity. If you want to argue that it is, you need to justify this by discussing ideas from sources that support your view. At this stage, I wouldn’t attempt to do this; I would just remove this bit).
- You have some good analysis in your examples section. But you need references in this section – there are none! Also, consider the paragraph structure I recommended for the examples section so that you can have a stronger impact with your argument (topic sentence at beginning, concluding sentence at the end):
You need to have a topic sentence and concluding sentence for each example product (it doesn’t matter how many paragraphs you have for that example – the topic sentence should be at the start of the first paragraph and the concluding sentence at the end of the last paragraph).
- Remove the short paragraph before the conclusion – it doesn’t serve any purpose.
You are currently at a 5 (borderline 5.5). This is mainly due to the lack of referencing, but also due to the lack of clear arguments in your discourse section. I strongly recommend you follow this structure:
– discourse against your thesis statement (cultural hybridisation leads to homogeneity in cultures)
– discourse in favour of your thesis statement (cultural hybridisation leads to new connections between cultures)
You should aim for a 6. If you can make the changes above, you may be able to get a 6.
I am concerned, though, about how much of this is in your own words.
Please answer my highlighted question above. Also, upload the essay to the practice area and check the similarity report.