At the present time I’m working as a nurse assistant.  I like helping people, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to stay in this job for the rest of my life.  When it comes to my personal life, I’ve always had a rough time getting along with people.  I suppose you could call me a “loner.”  I like having people in my life, but I just don’t seem to know how to go about making friends or getting close to people.  Probably the reason I sometimes use marijuana a bit too much is because I’m so scared when it comes to mixing with people. 

QUESTION

Alice’s Intake and Autobiography

Intake Interview:

At the present time I’m working as a nurse assistant.  I like helping people, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to stay in this job for the rest of my life.  When it comes to my personal life, I’ve always had a rough time getting along with people.  I suppose you could call me a “loner.”  I like having people in my life, but I just don’t seem to know how to go about making friends or getting close to people.  Probably the reason I sometimes use marijuana a bit too much is because I’m so scared when it comes to mixing with people.  Even though I hate to admit it, when I’ve been drinking, things don’t seem quite so overwhelming.  When I look at others, they seem to know the right things to say.  Next to them I feel so dumb.  I’m afraid that people will be bored with me and that, if they really knew me, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me.  Sure, I’d like to turn my life around, and I’m trying, but sometimes I just don’t know where to begin.  That’s why I went back to school.  Besides my work as a nursing assistant, I’m also a part-time college student majoring in psychology.  I want to better myself.  In one of my classes, Psychology of Personal adjustment, we talked about ourselves and how we wanted to change, and we also had to write an autobiographical paper.  Should I bring it in?

Autobiography

Where I am currently in my life?  At 25 I feel that I’ve wasted most of my life.  By now I should be finished with college and into a good job, but instead I’m only a freshman.  I can’t afford to really commit myself to pursing college full time because I need to work to support myself.  Even though being a nurse’s assistant is hard, I like the satisfaction I get when I look at how I have helped others.

I want to get into some profession where I could work with people, if I can ever get over my fears of what people think of me.  Someday, I’m hoping to get a master’s degree in counseling or in social work and eventually work as a counselor with kids who are troubled.  I feel I was helped by someone who cared about me, and I would like to have a similar influence on young people.

At this time, I live alone, have a very few friends, and feel scared with people my own age or older.  I feel good when I’m with kids, because they’re so honest.  But I worry a lot whether I’m smart enough to get through all the studies I’ll need to do before I can become a counselor.

One of my problems is that I use marijuana heavily sometimes.   I also drink alcohol frequently and sometimes think about using stronger drugs.  This usually happens most often when I feel alone and when I’m scared that I’ll always feel as lonely and isolated as I do now.  At first using marijuana makes me feel better, but later on I really feel rotten especially when I use alcohol also.

People really scare me, and I feel overwhelmed when I’m around strong men.    I feel all cold, sweaty, and terribly nervous when I’m around a man who I am attracted to.   Maybe I think they’re judging me, and I know they’ll find out that I’m not much of a woman.  I’m afraid I won’t measure up to being the kind of woman they want.  I really have trouble seeing myself as sexually adequate.  When I do have sex, I get uptight and worry that I won’t satisfy my partner, and then I really feel terrible.

I feel anxiety much of the time, particularly at night.  Sometimes I get so scared that I feel like running, but I just can’t move.  It’s awful, because I often feel as if I’m dying at times like this.  Then I fantasize about committing suicide, and I wonder who would care.  Sometimes I see my family coming to my funeral feeling very sorry that they didn’t treat me better.  I even made a weak attempt to do myself in a couple of years ago.  Much of the time I feel guilty that I haven’t worked up to my potential, that I’ve been a failure, that I’ve wasted much of my time, and that I let people down a lot.  I can really get down on myself and wallow in my guilt, and I feel very depressed. At times like this I think about how rotten I am, how I’ll never will be able to change, and how I’d be better off dead.  Then I wouldn’t have to hurt anymore, and I wouldn’t want anything either.  It’s very difficult for me to get close to anyone.  I can’t say that I’ve ever loved a person, and I know that I’ve never felt fully loved or wanted.

Everything is not bleak.  I did have enough guts to leave a lot of my shady past behind me, and I did get into college. I like my determination—I want to change.  I’m tired of feeling like a loser, and I know that nobody is going to change my life for me.  It’s up to me to get what I want.  Even though I feel scared a lot, I like it that I can feel my feelings and that I’m willing to take risks.  I hate being a quitter.

What was my past like?  What are some significant events and turning points in my life?   A major turning point was the confidence my supervisor had in me at the hospital where I have worked the past two years.  He helped me get my job, and he also encouraged me to go to college.  He said he saw a lot of potential in me for being able to work with people.  That was hard for me to really believe, but his faith inspired me to begin to believe in myself.  Another turning point was my marriage and divorce.  This “relationship” didn’t last long before my husband left me pregnant and without a way to make a living.   Wow, that really made me wonder about what kind of woman I was. He was strong and dominant man who was always telling me what to do and that he deserved better than me for a wife.  We met in a gambling casino in Las Vegas, and we tied the knot shortly after that.  We had sex only a few times, and most of the time I was high.  That was hard to take—a real downer.  I’m so afraid to get close to men.    My parents never got a divorce, but I wish they had.  They fought most of the time.  I should say, my mother did most of the fighting.  She was dominant and continually bitched at my father.  He would never stand up to her.  There were four of us kids at home.  My folks always compared me unfavorably with my older sister (Judy) and older brother (Frank).  They were “perfect” children, successful honor students. My younger brother (Karl) and I fought a lot, and he was the one who was spoiled rotten by them.   I really don’t know what happened to me and how I turned out to be the failure of the bunch.

In high school I got involved with the wrong crowd and took a lot of drugs.  I was thrown into a youth rehabilitation facility for stealing.  I briefly saw a counselor for my drug stuff, but stopped. Later I was expelled from regular school for fighting, had a short stay in juvenile detention, and I landed in a continuation high school, where I would go to school in the mornings and have afternoons for on-the-job training.  This is where I received my initial training in nursing. Back to my parents.  I remember my father telling me: “You’re really dumb.  Why can’t you be like your sister and brother?  You’ll never amount to anything.  Why can’t you ever do anything right?”  And my mother treated me much the way she treated my father.  She would say: “Why do you do so many things to hurt me?  Why can’t you grow yup?  You were a mistake.  I wish I hadn’t had you.  Things are so much better around here when you’re gone.”  I recall crying myself to sleep many nights, feeling so terribly alone and filled with anger and hate.  And feeling so disgusted with myself.  There was no talk of religion in my house, nor was there any talk about sex.  In fact, I always find it hard to imagine my folks ever having sex.

Where would I like to be 5 years from now?  What kind of person do I want to become, and what changes do I most want to my life?  Most of all, I would just like to start feeling better about myself.  I would really like to be able to stop using drugs and alcohol altogether.  I have an inferiority complex, and I know how to put myself down. I want to like myself much more than I do now.  I hope I can learn to love at least a few other people. I want to lose my fear that men will destroy me.  I would like to feel equal with others and not always have to feel apologetic for my existence.  I   don’t want to suffer from this anxiety and guilt. And I hope that I can begin to think of myself as a good person.  I really want to become a good counselor with kids, and to do this I know I’m going to have to change. I’m not certain how I’ll change or even what all the changes are I hope for. I do know that I want to get free of my self-destructive tendencies and learn to trust people more.  Maybe when I begin to like myself more, I’ll be able to trust that others might find something about me that is worth liking.

ANSWER

 Overcoming Challenges and Pursuing a Brighter Future: Alice’s Intake and Autobiography

Introduction

In this essay, we delve into Alice’s intake interview and autobiography, gaining insight into her struggles, aspirations, and desires for personal growth and transformation. Alice, a nurse assistant and part-time college student majoring in psychology, opens up about her difficulties in forming meaningful connections with others, her battles with anxiety, self-doubt, substance abuse, and her ultimate goal of becoming a counselor for troubled children. We explore significant events and turning points in her life, as well as her aspirations for the future.

Current Challenges and Reflections

At present, Alice finds herself torn between her desire to help others and her fear of social interactions. She confesses to using marijuana and alcohol as coping mechanisms, but acknowledges the negative impact they have on her well-being (Volkow et al., 2014). Alice struggles with feelings of inadequacy and anxiety, particularly around men, and she yearns for genuine connections and self-acceptance.

Past Influences and Turning Points

Alice’s autobiography sheds light on significant events and turning points that have shaped her life. Her supervisor’s faith in her abilities and encouragement to pursue higher education marked a crucial turning point, instilling in her a newfound belief in her potential to work with people (The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas | Encyclopedia.com, n.d.). Additionally, her short-lived marriage and subsequent divorce reinforced her fear of getting close to men. Alice’s upbringing, marred by parental comparisons, fighting, and emotional neglect, contributed to her feelings of being a failure and intensified her self-doubt.

Aspirations for the Future

Despite her challenging past and present struggles, Alice exhibits determination and a strong will to change her life. She dreams of obtaining a master’s degree in counseling or social work and becoming a counselor for troubled children. Alice’s own experience of receiving help from someone who cared about her fuels her desire to make a positive impact on the lives of young people. She envisions a future where she can overcome her fears, embrace self-acceptance, and foster genuine connections with others.

Goals for Personal Growth

Looking ahead, Alice outlines several changes she wishes to make in her life. Her foremost goal is to develop a healthier self-perception and shed her self-destructive tendencies (Lander et al., 2013). Alice aims to let go of substance abuse entirely, conquer her anxiety and guilt, and build trusting relationships. By cultivating self-love and trusting others, she hopes to become a confident and empathetic counselor who can guide troubled children toward a brighter future.

Conclusion

Alice’s story is one of resilience, determination, and the pursuit of personal growth. Despite facing numerous challenges, she recognizes the need for change and acknowledges her own agency in transforming her life. Through therapy, support, and self-reflection, Alice aspires to overcome her fears, break free from self-destructive patterns, and become a compassionate counselor. By embracing self-acceptance and fostering genuine connections, she aims to fulfill her potential, inspire others, and contribute positively to the lives of troubled children.

References

Lander, L., Howsare, J., & Byrne, M. (2013). The Impact of Substance Use Disorders on Families and Children: From Theory to Practice. Social Work in Public Health, 28(3–4), 194–205. https://doi.org/10.1080/19371918.2013.759005 

The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas | Encyclopedia.com. (n.d.). https://www.encyclopedia.com/arts/culture-magazines/autobiography-alice-b-toklas 

Volkow, N. D., Baler, R. D., Compton, W. M., & Weiss, S. R. (2014). Adverse Health Effects of Marijuana Use. The New England Journal of Medicine, 370(23), 2219–2227. https://doi.org/10.1056/nejmra1402309